the Library
by CountingWithStraws
Summary: One Shot. After having problems with his boyfriend, Axel, Roxas goes to the Library & runs into Zexion, who helps him better understand.


Author's Notes: This was an old request from a friend, originally posted on deviantART, but I'm leaving that site & moving all my fanfictions here!

Enjoy!

* * *

Books… it all started with books. Who would've ever thought such a needed lifeline would come from looking for a book? But it did and it did so in a very unexpected way. It was a lifeline that I will never forget, always treasure, and will remain secret for all eternity even though it saved me from my own self-destructive depression.

I hadn't really been myself since I broke up with Axel three months ago and he started doing who-knows-what with Demyx – the Nobody who had been like a brother to me since I joined Organization XIII. I was never very sure on what exactly happened to pull Axel and I apart, but it ended in a long series of pity-fights: fights about absolutely nothing that just kept building up until I called it quits and walked away from Axel. Since then… I don't know… I just didn't feel like doing anything, anything at all.

Reading became the only thing that occupied my mind without reminding me of Axel, because Axel was never one to read. It also kept me from thinking, or as of my current state, not thinking and falling deeper into depression.

It didn't take me long to get through the few books I owned and find myself searching for the rumour of a library somewhere deep inside Castle Oblivion. It took me a week to find it, but I did eventual find the massive room that, once entered, seemed impossible to hide – though, given that it took me a week to find the library made the impossible, very possible.

The library was very well taken care of; there was not even a speck of dust on any of the ancient tomes. Someone had spent hours polishing the warm coloured wood floors and hand carved bookcases that were at least forty feet tall. The place was magical; just walking through the endless rows and one could feel the power and knowledge of the library books.

As I walked through the library I felt a sense of peace wash over me and my non-existent heart felt lighter then it had in months. I spent hours roaming the rows of books, getting lost in this feeling of emotional freedom. I was perfectly alone and perfectly safe from the others… or at least I thought I was. After several hours of searching for an interesting book to read, I instead caught the sight of someone's lantern in one of the unlit areas of the library.

"Hello…?" I asked the light.

There was a loud echoing sound of a book snapping in answer to my call, and then, "Who's there?"

"Roxas," I said in answer to a male, teenaged voice as I walked towards the light. "And you are?"

"Zexion." He came in view as he said his name. The Cloaked Schemer was only a few years older then I and slightly taller too. His blue-ish hair covered one of his eyes, and like usual he wore his trademark frown. "What are you doing in my library?"

I frowned. "Oh, I didn't know you owned the library."

"Technicalities."

"Huh?"

"I don't _technically_ own the library, you nitwit. I'm just the only one who ever enters it."

"Oh… sorry?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes. Then he started back towards his lamp.

"Zexion?"

"What?" He snapped.

"Never mind." I turned and headed back the way I had come.

He sighed. "Come here, Roxas."

"What?" I stopped and looked at him over my shoulder. His back was still to me.

"Just come here already!"

"Alright?"

I turned completely around and followed him back to where he was sat before I had found him. Zexion lead me over to an area where the bookcases cornered. He had a few pillows and some blankest, with a lantern and a large pile of books. He sat down on the floor without a word and patted the spot next to him, which I took without thought. Zexion didn't look at me as he handed me a book and started reading the one he must have put down when I disturbed him.

The short book Zexion had handed me was called _Looking for Alaska_ and was by John Green. It wasn't a very long book, only two hundred and twenty-one pages, but it was enough to get me thinking, which I did for several minutes before Zexion spoke.

"So?" he asked as he looked over at me.

"So, what?" I looked back at him.

"What did you think?"

I didn't answer right away; I just thought about what the author was talking about. There were so many deep themes in the novel that I couldn't quite put the proper words to it. Life and death were a major part of the story, and some of Green's philosophical and religious questionings really got me thinking.

As Zexion and I started talking about those things and other sorts of subjects, I really started to feel like I was wasting what I had by being so damn depressed. But… I also felt closer to Zexion then I ever thought I would. I had never really talked to him, but as I did I discovered that he was amazingly intelligent for someone who's Somebody died at the age of sixteen, and even though his humour was sort of dry and sarcastic, it was actually pretty funny when you understood it.

We must have talked for hours, but the truth was I didn't know how long I had talked to the Cloaked Schemer, or even how long I'd been in that library. I just know that, somewhere along the lines of our conversation, I kissed him and we ended up with nothing between us – no cloaks, no shirts, or pants, or even undergarments. Our passions were fueled by our discussion, and our desires fueled by the need to be with someone else. It wasn't like anything I had every experienced. It was magical, just like the library.

When it was done, Zexion smiled at me, and I finally understood what the others who had loved him meant when they said his smile could light up the whole room. He then tucked some of my hair behind my ear and whispered, "Go back to him. You still love him."

Zexion then kissed me softly one last time before getting dressed and walking away. I laid there for a little while longer, wondering how he knew about my problems with Axel when I hadn't mentioned the redhead at all, and tucking the library deep in my secret memory. Afterwards, I got dressed and left the library then headed off to Axel's room.

In the years past I have never looked for the library again, nor have I ever stumbled upon it by accident. Zexion and I remained close friends, brothers even, but we have never kissed or even held hands. But I know it wasn't some strange dream, for, on occasion, Zexion gives me that small, wonderful smile when no one else is looking.


End file.
